InArms A project for the Edmonton Poetry Festival

Poem of the Week

Untitled 2

June 14, 2010

Dad drove me to the bus,
And boy was I in such a fuss,
I did not know where to look,
Except at these strangers whom I knew, too, were unhooked.

We drove along the dark roads,
Trees tempting to swallow me whole,
The darkness all around me,
Was a blanket to shield my emotion.

I could not really focus,
I stared blank in the classroom,
Willing to absorb all this new information,
And biting down fear all the while.

My first night was a tossup,
I did not know who was who,
But I found solace in one thing,
A young man at the recruiting who I’d taken to call friend.

He was with me there,
But only for the first getaway,
From then on he was but a name,
Forever lost in our thoughts,
I was the only one who cared.

I tried to make friends,
But little was there for me,
No one would sit with me,
And those who did never liked me.

Master Corporal screamed,
Sounding like Sylvester Stalone,
And looking like a Gargoyle from nightmares,
I froze unable to think.

I lost myself those weekends,
A strange trance coming over me,
Feeling as if this was a different world,
And fearing to go back to where I truly belonged.

My friends never understood this,
The culture shock,
It was unbearable,
My brother was gone and so too was I.

Every time I stared into the mirror,
Every time I talked to the woman I loved,
I was no longer me,
I had changed into Private eight-oh-seven.

Someone I did not know,
But someone that shared the same fear as I,
Master Corporal was like a demon,
Always staring into my eyes.

Eventually my fear subsided,
And I realized one by one,
We were all the same,
And one by one we would all leave.

I was told one night,
I had to return,
I did not think I had to then,
But Master Corporal had surprised me.

I shook and froze in place,
Adrenalin and deep fear residing in me,
I started to cry and told dad,
I could not return to that place.

He pushed me on,
Carried me forward,
I had packed that night with uncertainty,
Wanting nothing more than to escape.

I called my lover on that night,
She had calmed me down,
It took words from only her,
No one else could soothe my fear.

I decided on this same cold night,
Filled with fear that I had to come into this world again,
I had decided as rain swept over me,
That I would leave this place I called hell.

And on that night of punishment,
Trekking through a storm in a t-shirt,
I was with someone I had thought hated me,
He told me that night that he loved me.

He had come to be a friend,
In that short time,
And I loved him in return,
For being my only true friend there.

I left the army shortly after,
A coward’s way out,
Yet this was not my Hero Journey,
It was not the one meant for me.

I was a wordsmith,
I was not a soldier,
That was a path,
Chosen for my brother.

By T.L.

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